It is good to be strengthened by the assurance of salvation after death and to know that our loved ones are safe and happy in heaven, but for those who remain, there is the reality of a life without the deceased. Not only are they missed, but in some cases, there is the added complications of no longer sharing responsibility with another person, or increased financial pressures, or not being able to fulfil plans that were made for the future. It is not just the deceased person that is grieved, but the life that was and could have been enjoyed with them.
God tells us through Solomon that there is a ‘time to weep’ (Ecclesiastes 3:4), indicating that grief is a natural and expected response to death. The Bible is full of examples of men and women openly displaying their grief through shaving their heads, and/or wearing sackcloth and ashes, as was the case for the Jews at the time of Esther when they heard they were to be destroyed (Esther 7:3).
The book of Job is a thorough exploration of the grief Job felt when he lost almost all that he had, causing him to lament, ‘let the day perish wherein I was born’ (3:3). Abraham mourned and wept for his wife Sarah (Genesis 23:2), and the children of Israel wept for thirty days when Moses died (Deuteronomy 34:8). David was so grieved over the death of his son Absalom that even his people turned to mourning (2 Samuel 19:1-4). Perhaps it was Absalom he was thinking of when he wrote:
‘Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing.’ Psalm 31:9-10.
When Jesus came to help his friend Lazarus only to discover him dead, it was the grief of Lazarus’ sister Mary and other Jews that caused Jesus to ‘groan in the spirit’ and to feel ‘troubled’. Jesus himself wept when he saw Lazarus’s body. Even though he knew he would momentarily raise him from the dead, Jesus still felt the pain and injustice of death in that moment and its impact on others (see John 11:32-35). Isaiah spoke of Jesus Christ as ‘a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief’, who has ‘borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows’ (53:3-4). Grief was a natural emotion for Jesus and, because he experienced it so deeply, he can easily empathise with our experiences and help us to bear it.
He also helps us when there is guilt attached to our grief. We may feel distressed about things that were said or done, or that we feel should have been said and done, before our loved one passed away. But punishing ourselves when we are grieving only compounds the feelings of despair, when we have every access to the peace and comfort that our advocate Jesus Christ offers (1 John 2:1; John 14:27). Whether we are guilty or simply perceive ourselves as such, Paul reminds us that ‘there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 8:1). Entertaining regretful thoughts gives place to the devil, but being ‘spiritually minded [i.e. focused on what God’s word says is true] is life and peace’ (Romans 8:6).
Through the Holy Spirt, we can rest assured that God will convict us of anything we need to address and support us to make any required reparations, being faithful and just to cleanse us of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
Jesus understands our grief, and, as we’ll see next week, he also helps us with any fears we may have about death.
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